someone-like-u

Where is Everybody?

2010-04-03T10:56:00.003+08:00

That question runs through my mind all the time. I miss my favourite people. My class outing turned out like crap cause people still bring their books along with them and read in the cinema. What an intellectual bunch! Life is as boring as ever since Im stuck in the esp world. I don't understand some of my classmates. I resent their inflated egos and how they view people who are less academically inclined as losers. Help me. People from vastly different backgrounds do behave differently. I'm glad to have experienced that path i chose.

This place is useful to let out some steam. Who would have thought I had such angsty feelings? I like it when people never know the truth it creates an air of mystery and excitement.How weird is that?

*Rantings as such are kept within my blog walls.

2010-01-24T15:23:00.001+08:00

Who is making u spend extra time in front of the mirror?

2009-07-21T08:44:00.001+08:00

Can you just let me go?

2009-07-20T00:04:00.001+08:00

All Singaporeans must watch this banned film. O n e n a t i o n u n d e r l e e

A day of discovery, A lifetime of deceit

2009-07-17T01:50:00.002+08:00

finally, i've come clean! we may have a clean slate but things will never be the same again.

Memories of the Good Old Days

2009-07-08T08:35:00.002+08:00

2A + Jacobs

food quest day 2 @ beach road

2009-07-07T20:37:00.003+08:00

has cheap n nice ice-cream. tried salted caramel cheesecake + granny's favourite. shiok not?!

2009-07-07T12:04:00.002+08:00

after going through the youtube crash course, i swam my first bloody lap today!!! so exciting. got pawned by the rest though, im too freagin slow. still can't do the eggbeater thing arrgh

w00t

2009-07-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

i had the greatest weekend.

Food quest

2009-06-29T23:53:00.005+08:00

Day one of 'Food Quest': Telok Ayer Street(Tan Hock Seng Cake Shop) & Temple Street (Wei4 Xiang1 Yuan2)

Went to Raffles Place to get my favourite mah ti su and tau sar piah! Returning back to that bustling town populated with people in their ties brought back memories man. I recalled the lunch time craziness and office politics while walking along the usual path to ocbc. Those are the things I miss most. While brushing shoulders with nicely groomed people in their high waist pencil skirts along far east square, i wondered about the story behind those people and the catty action going on in their offices. Then it took one bucket of sweat to reach temple street and enjoy the best black sesame paste and carrot cake in Singapore. Awesome day.

Im starting work tmr.

reconcilation/bitch talk

2009-06-29T20:23:00.012+08:00

I wrote this post some time back after the mishap. since im gonna update today i'll post this up anyway.

After a decade, i had to make a second trip to IMH for an entirely different reason. It was nasty nasty nasty. In a situation like that, i become a baby, i couldn't act like an adult, i just wanted to run away from all that drama or sat somewhere far away and cry. The experience was a good testament of how the government sector treats people and do their job. I'm referring to medics/nurses/shrinks and the police except that they are foc and they don't carry invoices around charging people for making a report. They're the best of all. when I was at the brink of falling apart, that unfamiliar person appeared out of the blue. His appearance saved me, for that I'm grateful. Its funny how the worst case scenario can lead to the sweetest ending. Surprisingly, there isn't much hatred left after the scar he imprinted on me 10 years ago. I felt like before again. It was that familiar and amazing feeling to be seated on the back seat while listening him singing along to a hokkien song. I see so much of him in me. With so many similarities that we share from the facial features to the character and temper, exploring them first-hand was great because I've no one to seek reference to. Plus we love singing and drinking. You have no idea how much I've missed all this while. That unfamiliar person shaped my early years as a role model and a heart breaker. We'll reconcile this. Perhaps i can take some fatherly advice in future. Something that I've dismissed long ago. Oh yah, the patients there are interesting! I could just watch them all day seriously. Whatever happens, the game of restaurant city and Sims 3 must go on!

here comes the bitching part. Today i shall break the silence. It pisses me off so much when some people think they know everything about me when they know zilch. I do not like to come across as predictable but at the same time i do not hide who i am. im not easy to figure u can trust me on that. Actually, i wouldn't care if some of them think I'm a slut (just a random noun) because their opinion of me is the least of my concern. The rest who fall into the other category, it just kills me to have misunderstandings like that. I don't carry a loud speaker and start rambling about myself and my life. Its just not my style of dealing with a conversation. People always take it the wrong way. Empty nutshells! I'm generally very patient but I realised it's biased towards the females or a he-she. I've had a couple of friendships that turned sour because of my intolerance of male chauvinist pigs. That piece of shit ought to keep his condescending remarks to himself or watch out!

No matter how messed up life gets, i don't feel inferior anymore because im so over that and im more than that. deep down i know it'll pass. For now, i could only take one step at a time, the circumstance shan't stop me from doing great things. YES! Much better now. no more angsty.

On the bright side, those alphabets that appeared on the screen on my notebook were bloody awesome. It's thrilling to confirm what i believe im capable of. Some assurance i got there and i can use some pride that i hid inside my pocket some time ago. Ive been busy lately sorting things in my head n some lame holiday activities created by moi. Im gonna embark on a 'food quest' next week! Say pls come back roar!

dude needs to shuddup

2009-05-26T13:14:00.002+08:00

imma f*king be mean if you ask the same question again!

Michael Scofield

2009-05-18T21:51:00.003+08:00

In the end, michael died. Not the best ending but still, a happy-sad one. Every good person got exonerated, michael took down the company and had a son, Michael Scofield Jr. with sarah. haha spoil it for you! i like the last part where it shows "A husband, father, brother, uncle, friend" on his tombstone. friggin awesome :) People pls watch PB.

im going away for 3 days :) cya

You wanna be on top

2009-05-17T21:51:00.005+08:00

I've been watching ANTM cycle 11. Great season! There's something about Marjorie that i can't put my finger on, maybe it's her cute European accent that draws me. I find her relationship with BFF Analeigh very intriguing. tsk. heres a photo of them after being eliminated

mysterious skin

2009-05-14T21:46:00.005+08:00

A raw film on the devastating effects of child abuse and how two boys handled it differently as they grew older. This film is extremely disturbing and i still can't step out of the stun mode after watching it 30 minutes ago. Some people may find it too graphic and painful to experience. As i was looking up on 'the notebook' on imdb, this film happens to be listed on the 'recommendations' section so, I was expecting a storyline far from what it is and it blew me away. Not a movie that people will leave the cinema going bravo but rather how messed up life could get.

ohh lala

2009-05-14T18:10:00.006+08:00

When she walked out, my eyes literally popped out and my jaw dropped from the 10th storey of my block to the basement if there is one. A very ugly sight if you'd imagine. I don't have to explain myself, you naughty boys and galss can figure that. those legs are perfect! No song could be more apt to accompany that 10 seconds of magical moment than the number, Glamorous.

17 again!

2009-05-13T22:10:00.004+08:00

finally got to watch the movie!! you know why cheesy movies will never bring disappointment? cos the ending always turns out the way everyone wants it to be. After the movie i overheard some teenagers who couldn't get over how hawwt Zac Efron is. When I heard them, i realized that im so over that period of my life or maybe i didn't even go through that as i can vaguely recall, I have no memory of myself ogling at movie stars openly(i must stress that). if u haven't realized, people, we're almost 20 already and 17 was 2 years back?? hhaa the thought of going through that stage of my life again is quite frightening but tempting as well.

I've learnt that the things that you hate doing are good for you. I hate to RUN thats for sure. but still, you know if you don't, you skin would eventually become saggy and slowly yucky cellulite would accumulate on the surface of the vulnerable body parts and etc. Sometimes, it requires a huge amount pain to look good. Vegetables too apply for me and many more, u name it.. So im gonna do more of the things that i hate like studying ahhaahha ok BECAUSE ITS GOOD FOR YO00U
anw here's a treat for u peoplesss

HAHHA FARNIE MOVES

it's a sin!

2009-05-12T19:08:00.003+08:00

I've never felt so insincere... till today. I don't have to do this! RAWRR

Lie to me

2009-05-11T19:33:00.001+08:00

Watch it. Its so good.

2009-05-07T20:24:00.001+08:00

Don't you get irritated when your parents ask you whether you were with a male or female?

Is that important anyway?

imma trouble magnet

2009-03-25T19:08:00.014+08:00

This post was meant for last week btw...

something uncool happened to me some time ago. i didn't know i had to present for econs! as usual, embarrassed myself in front of tutorial group. I got lucky though, managed to scrape through thanks to the nice PRC tutor. I promise to treat PRCs better in future.

so, back to my objective for being here.
I have trouble verbally conveying whats on my mind or my feelings rather. penning them down is so much easier. there are many occasions where i haven't seen say a friend for awhile, when I finally met him/her, all those words that i had intended to say just couldn't come out. like u know i miss you and all that seems to be the hardest words nowadays. i wish i could just blurt it all out without going through the long process of evaluating how else to put it. but when moment's over its too late and we'll just have to skip all of those. that is one obstacle that i've got to overcome before it ruins my entire life. haha. maybe it's because im brought up that way. Well,it's a good idea to attend a crash course on that so, lemme know and sign me up if you happen to see one.

sem 2 is ending. i wonder what kind of person i would be at the end of the 4th year. y'all will witness the transformation of me to a 100% E S P-ian. i feel like im missing out a lot in class. couldn't see the signs at all without someone's enlightenment. im very oblivious to my surroundings, ok maybe im just blind or too bo-chap to care. ok so the point is.... guys, i have been in touch with my old hobby. "yum cha sessions", E S P style that is. E S P does have the potential of being listed in the menu. It isn't as barren as i thought it was. Indeed, I had the privilege to reap very insightful knowledge thanks my one source provider of all the "yuan yang". Yeah, old habits die hard. i thought i have kicked the habit and never be able to experience the taste of "yuan yang" again. aaahhh, speaking of fond memories..... I'm not proud of myself though..oh, bother! what matters is it makes coming to school fun, again! like peejayzzz

i've found several people to stalk lately. guess what, instincts directed me to the very person that kept me happy all day long. maybe i shouldn't have googled this guy because he awed the shitz out of me.

Ong.J.(2009, April 2).imma trouble magnet. blogspot

blogged.

P.s.
flattered, but blown away by how things sound even more real after being told in the face.

I'm grossed out

2009-03-16T00:56:00.002+08:00

im having spasms of energy with truckloads to share with someone. when i look around, there's no one i could pour my grievances to.

I'm not the optimist i thought i was

2009-03-13T07:14:00.006+08:00

WOW I MIA-ed for almost 2 months! This is what life as an e-s-p undergrad does to you. Life as a nun isn't so bad. I find fulfillment in my nunnery when I'm rewarded with all the good-enough grades. Still, I have my down days. Yesterday was one of those. When the sudden jolt of sadness encircles my entire being, the thought of playing l4d comes to mind. So, I rushed home and take it out on the zombies. Then, I had cravings for all the KFCs and BK that I've been avoiding due to my self-imposed abstinence hoping that the feeling will go away. It's funny how I like to eat when I'm down or happy and also when I'm bored. sigh.
its a brand new day. i need to get back on track. don't ask me what. its lame and i can't understand why I'm still so bothered by it.

love this guy!

2009-01-15T15:39:00.001+08:00

A Closing account

2008-12-31T12:12:00.001+08:00

In case if u haven heard of my disastrous cap, yea now u know.

I think I didn't do myself justice though. But i did try... apparently not hard enough. I did my best juggling with muay thai, school work, social life, pleasing everyone in the house, tuition, 'occasional' cs, tennis, my funny n emo thoughts, shopping, my weight and everything else going on that retain the last vestiges of my sanity and good faith in humanity.

I would never give up any of the things mentioned above in my life in exchange for more time to mug. They are essential elements that keep me going. Tipping the scale towards any end between work and play will not do any good........ its ridiculous, really. This time round, mugging harder is not the key. Studying smarter will do the magic. With a little more experience from before, we understand the protocol.

I should pay more attention in class and not submit to temptation and play cs during lecture.
I shouldn't pon any lectures.
I will do all my tutorials if time permits.
I will ask questions and be serious.
I will not let inferior complex get in the way
Lastly, manage my time better

Given my limited intelligence, all that should promise a 3.0 and above. zzz
thou shall not fail thy exams

2008 was fulfilling. I've done a lot this year. I don't wanna list them anyhow. In a short time span, things change. people change. i feel like a different person every year.
Happy new year everyone. Heading out soon for an exciting day. yaye

although I'm not blessed with the pillars (obviously personified) that everyone has, god is fair in one way or another. giving the kindness and understanding but not being treated the same... at least I'm fully aware of that and not being on the other side. definitely not contented, cos i know that there's something more out there....

A milestone and beyond.

2008-12-25T23:30:00.001+08:00

For the first time, I felt the effects of alcohol. After several glasses of champagne and red wine, I couldn’t walk straight. Hahaha. However, I was still far from the ‘high’ stage and further from getting drunk. Sounds pathetic huh? That was one excuse to speak freely in front of them accompanied by my usual hysterical laughter. Lol.. very liberating indeed when the drug takes over the mind and body.

Clearly, I was sober. I could still feel the weight on my shoulders, laden with unpleasant thoughts about recent events. My attempt of testing the limits failed thoroughly still, I made progress!

After 2 years, it happened again. This time, it felt different. I’ve moved onJ

Merry Christmas everyone.

today is a very bad day

2008-12-23T17:20:00.005+08:00

A series of unpleasant events unfolded today. firstly, the results at 9 in the morning. then, that bitchy thing. Now, on Ellen's show.

They censored all the parts on the Ellen show where she mentioned Portia!!!! So, any 'she' or 'we' parts are gone. Can people stop being ignorant. damn. This is the original clip. The one aired today were like pieces of the original clip that don't fit. Makes me wonder how many times they have already done that. lucky for me, i have youtube. seriously, the media censorship laws are so strict, they are pro P A P. I'm so the opposite. Which also means everything aired or removed on tv reflects the P A P's stance in that matter. Viewers have the right to see these information. We need to be more informed. Not all facts from the tv are reliable, they are shams. i just want the truth. Sigh, i feel betrayed. Oh, tmr is Christmas eve, have a jolly good time...

liar liar! busted edition.

2008-12-23T14:40:00.004+08:00

scheming bitches on the lurk. i hate them all and their stupid ploys. I'm not as brilliant in scheming to pull that off but at least I found out all that shit you've been doing. So hard to trust people nowadays. Its an insult to my character and reflects badly on yours as well. Your low-down means of getting what you want is revolting. unexpected, but good to know. barbie. I could care less about the returns! heartbroken.

reflections

2008-12-13T22:43:00.001+08:00

been doing some soul-searching lately....a lot in fact. now its stuck in my head and i can't seem to get rid of it unless something else is distracting my thoughts.
here's that.... what kind of person should i live my life as? This is one issue i have been struggling with since childhood.... maybe? well, not so poignant at that time though. it wasn't important anyway. Now its in my face and i have to confront it. i know this is long overdue for many... and its something I should've done long ago. the government doesn't like it, my family would'nt condone as well, cos its kinda weird. wad do i do then? those are my excuses actually but they are my major concerns as well. It's the cold hard reality that's unavoidable. quite a predicament. im puzzled...why does it seem so easy for some people. i don't have to and i don't want to fit into any stereotype, cos i am who i am..... you don't know.
maybe u guys AND GIRLS (just the way i like to put it) seeing this should reflect as well, in any context that deem fits for y'all of course.

i wanna talk about my bad clubbing experience some time ago.....
when people think of clubbing, everybody gets fired up and excited, stepping in there knowing that its gonna be happening and all....as what you've imagined after taking the hint, the exact opposite happened. bad music, bad crowd, funny people with funny moves like... bouncin around. (i hope i did her justice cos "bouncin around" is so an understatement) lol, hey I'm no better but its very entertaining to watch ok. not to mentioned, yaya's hyped up moves after some drinks... precious. plus! the table top dancers or men in their 30s (with clothes on btw if it helps) i should say with like pre-choreograph moves for every oldie/song that permeates the dance floor. i think of my PE teacher when i saw them really.. no kidding ...u know like what happens on ACES day, i managed to bounce around for awhile. one point, i don't like hum sap men lurking around. its eeewwwww n gross (ok i know both mean the same, just doubling the effect) strangely, i feel that all men who step into clubs are like that. help me change that opinion if you must. i had fun outside with yaya though. savour that moment and there you have it. you just maximise your time to expoilt her becos all's back to normal by morning. hah

rumour has it that people have started to mug for sem 2. lol. well, don't be surprise, welcome to E S P. no worries you guys, I'm not jumping on the bandwagon. not my style. now, what i do know is..... shopping makes me happy.

oh btw, im almost done catching up with gossip girl season 2 and prison break season 4 prolly moving on to heroes or pushing daisy ... ally mcbeal maybe.... y the sudden interest? heheeeezzz
ok i've been longing to do this...bear with me

u know you love me..... X.O.X.O _____(insert name)

Watch out y'all gossip gal lov3rs HAWT HAWT!!!!!!

2008-12-07T15:58:00.000+08:00

sit tight! hold on to your chair, cos you're in for a treat. orgasmic pleasure i swear......
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MUHAHAHAHA see wad i mean.....Pls laugh at Auntie Guan ... ya.ya.ya--------> my laughter btw.
Just finished the 10km stand chart marathon.
LADIES get your running gear ready for the next Sundown 2009 yeah!!!

happy holidays

2008-12-03T10:06:00.001+08:00

Finally!!!!! the most anticipated moment has arrived! Weeee.... its 9 am in the morning. i haven had much sleep despite the recent endowment of FREEDOM.In fact only had like 2 hrours of sleep and im goanna die later. >>> guess wad i did? hurhur haa
cs actually!! im getting bored with the bots. i need to drop my gun for knifing sessions to spice it up alittle. Besides playing geeky computer games, i waited for my sis from her prom. First time in a club for post-prom. So proud of her. lol.

Gotta take some time off from sch to find a direction to steer to. I find myself living my life day by day with no goal in sight or any idea of my future. I must break out of this. My classmate made this comment that i look like i duno what i want. He is one role model all shld look up to. Having so much going on at 21, doing whatever he does best. Somehow, i see so much drive and optimism in him. I would be so much better off if we share the same views about life. Well, today shall be the first day to kick start my quest in unraveling the profound meaning of life while staying human.... HAH i ineed to know what exactly keeps me going... to stay motiviated in the long term. with so much uncertainties about the future, have fun exploring.
all of a sudden, I value each and everyone of my classmates. Unlike the initial stage, i look at them in a cynical light. Be it the singaporeans, or cheenalanders, muggers and slackers, back-row-group, front-row-group. i see something in all of them. can't wait for the drinking session. OK, i feel awkward now to typing all that. why am i so generous with my praises? i guess its because the season of giving is here and most of all, i figured the receiving parties will nv see this hehe!!!! Looking forward to Christmas and the new year. im excited, are you? TURKEYY, PREZZIES, TREES, LIGHTS, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!! i dun like turkey very much thou' i'd rather have chic-cant. i need to 'ketchup' with my popo soon. she rocks my world. i've been neglecting her too much.
Remember to spread the love ppl.

ellen takes her BFF to a club. freakkinn farnie "we're gonna partayeee eh ehe he eh !!!!!"

ok off to watch ellen. XOXO should be heading out for an important shopping trip to westmall. heheh

lost and delirious

2008-11-16T14:16:00.000+08:00

Hi Hi Hi.... my peoples.. its been awhile heheh
So, I'm taking a breather from chem, think I've about a hundred pages more to go... no problem can be done. I'm in a very good mood after the HOLIDAY PLANS discussion with my sis who is almost done with the As. So coool. So glad that sem one is finally coming to an end. results aren't gonna be prettaye...thats for sure but...what the heck. ok enuff about school stuff! i know i haven't mention this.....WALA WALA is by far the best pub i've been to! archipelago is second on the list. Been there like few weeks back?? it was a blast i must say. can't wait for a second trip there. oh ya, i almost forgot...celebrated my 19th birthday not too long ago and im so worried for myself......im getting too old and i don't like it. hahaha Thank y'all for remembering it anyways. Cos im quite shy about this. yup. So long

imma loser!

2008-10-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

Damn I'm extremely frustrated right now. Just received an email from my "advanced calculus" lecturer PROF LEE! He is always so fervently involved in his teaching career. Being so committed to his students, he even sacrificed his hours of sleep just to type out assignments and 12-pages long projects with loads of typos. (we can understand that) Just as i admire that very much, give us break man. you need some too. Yup just as i expected he has already marked the test and did a distribution function of the mark range. nope i do not know my grades but i know what to expect. sigh, haven't been performing at all. I should really learn to accept failures. life is too short to harp on minor obstacles and the nitty gritty details (like the bloody tests that i screw up). for all you know, these little exams or the whole uni shit will not affect anything in the future. After you graduate, whatever opportunities that come by is totally up to yourself to seize them. so wad if i really did try or study in this case, there are no grantees in life. getting a degree will not assure youself a fat paychack or a more satisfactory career that is comparably better then someone who only got an 'o' level. we're overcoming the insecurities of a typical Singaporean fufilling the Singaporean dream(to get a HDB flat). so wad if you had like straight As in sch but you;re just an empty shell inside, not so nice huh? Its time i lower my self-pride and face the fact that im not good enough after all. One thing worthy to mention from a fellow esp mate, "we shouldn't be so depressed as yi shan hai you yi shan gao, some people are just more academically inclined." I truely know my place man.... Somehow one point that the crappy palmist made hit me, inferior complex is a big hindrance in my life that is. LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE JANE. I need my dosage of CS come'on guys...argh having a splitting headache! Thank jesus for friday.

HAALOOW boys and gals

2008-10-05T13:05:00.000+08:00

Just a short update before going back to my heap of books. I know its been a rough week for those having their mids and experiencing the recent turmoil. I'm sure our two years of friendship will help tide us though the storm. friendships are built on trust and commuunication. such minature issue shan't pose any threat to what we stand for. we can talk this through nicely ok. Before you know, it'll be history. I love peace.

school's been ok. nth much has been happening, everyday feels the same. everyweek feels like a repetition of the week before. yeah u get it. im pepetually lagging behind by a few chapters and the catching up is always in the state of work in progess. my classmates are fine. the food in sch's been GOOD. hah, it makes me look forward to sch man. thats abt it..
AND SAY-MY-NAME REPLY MY SMS LAH!~
told you its gonna be short,
goodbye world.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

2008-08-31T00:18:00.000+08:00

I couldn't agree more...
Base on Einstein's principle of relativity, his discovery remains very much relevant in this context. Beauty in this case is subjective to individuals. Its amazing how the sight of an object irks one but stays flawless in another's eyes. I really like this concept of Einstein the great. Not the scientific part of course.
Its funny how i set my mind on something and the thought stays in my head all the time. Just like a leech that clings onto my skin, feeds on my blood, my brain and energy while exhausting all possibilities of other designs. I remember saying this before, " my vision smeared a shade of grey yadaydayda" this very much depicts my current situation. Tyra Banks' idea of "switching off" is the virtue that everyone should undertake.
Went for ENGIN BASH. Awesome stuff! Surprisingly, the contestants did not disappont. One, just one blew me away...Hot is the word, no other. I'm so proud of myself...for having good taste. Despite the unspontaneous crowd, somehow they pulled it off. Make up does wonders, thats no secret really.... At least, i was entertained for that few hours. I had 3 standard drinks for free! On top of that, spotted my no.2 eyecandy from ocbc after the event. So great.lol.
Ok, putting all fun and games aside, Sch's been bad. I'm all stressed up already! Fortunately, I managed to get along well with some of my classmates that im gonna face for the next 4 yrs. Hurray for that! As you can tell, all negative feelings about engin/esp have more or less been reconciled.
In the midst of all the mugging and hectic school work, I hope to never lose sight of my goal as I take life by the helm in an awesome journey called life, steering towards the direction that gives me more satisfaction than paper chasing. As I embark on this complicated journey, I hope to find myself in search of my true identity.

Jade so cute SEAH! (pun fully intended)

i miss you :(((

2008-08-10T11:35:00.000+08:00

engin boleh! back from engine oweek.

Not too bad, surprisingly. will update on the photos or videos taken if possible. Feels darn good to meet pioneers in the same faculty but so far only two freshies and one senior lol. Anyhoos, this time, i took initiative to make friends and be myself. Maybe its because i voluntarily signed up for oweek. quite amazing come to think of it. thou' it can be extremely tiring and boring, i tried.... Indeed, time passes more meaningfully that way. Still, it was heartwarming to receive nice messages at the end of oweek. So, my efforts did pay off! I must admit that nth beats starting a conversation with a total stranger(those that we often exchange glances with but do not physically know them, think you know know wad i mean) from pj esp when we're going through similar phase of our lives. im so proud of myself. I've got to keep this spirit alive esp during my first week in sch. that shld be a priority.
lastly, i've got to thank jeri, if nt for her, all that wouldn't have happened anyhow.

tmr is the first day of week one, it better be good. I'm still clueless on what to do.

My favorite cheer!
neh mind ar neh mind
du lan ar du lan
bo chap ar bo chap

check this out!
http://www.doveshowerok.com/video.php?vid=221
and vote

I've already registered for Standard Chartered Marathon 08 with joy, join me and START TRAINING if interested!

I Miss You - Dallas Austin mix - Darren Hayes

2008-07-25T12:47:00.000+08:00

"Due to small cohort, ESP will not be organizing any camps/orientations. You are encouraged to join Engin (engineering) camp/hall camp to know more people outside your course. You will be invited to join engin camp after your engineering welcome tea. Please be warned that some camps might be sexually planned and causing discomfort among the girls."

LOL? one substantial reason to not go for camps.

wtf? wtf!!!

2008-07-24T08:46:00.001+08:00

You won't believe wft happened yesterday. Neither do I. Other then intensive gymming and swimming then tuitioning, i saw a miracle. Yes you saw it right, A MIRACLE!!! Smth that happens once in every four mths. The frequency may vary though. My instincts are most of the time accurate, today it caught me off-guard. OMG CAN!! my heart was like thumping harder than that in the gym. After mths of anticipation, it FINALLY HAPPENED!!! why did i let it slip away? DAMN! Maybe its for the best. So what if I had salvaged the situation. Nth would have changed. I have been making all the wrong decisions.

Yesterday was indeed one memorable day. Now, I should be reflecting upon my actions.. Awww:(
P.S I hope to blog about the exact same thing again next week. I'll make this right i swear

pride is cheap

2008-07-21T07:48:00.000+08:00

one nicely written entry with shitloads of nonexistent crap. inspired by the one and only.

getting cold feet on uni

2008-07-19T22:55:00.000+08:00

Dang! one last week of fun n games before the commencement of uni orientation plus the so confusing administrative procedures. kind of dreading it. Come on, it's orientation!! since when was orientation fun??? you tell me. Maybe its me and my anti-social character flaw. I was never the social butterfly among the group. It will take a lot for me to initiate a dumb conversation for the sake of not being seen as a loner. All conventional orientations will include "ice-breaking" games (the reason for putting "" is because i hate that term so much). All will have go though the extremely awkward moments of "ice breaking"(you know what i mean) whether they like it or not. Some with leadership qualities aka "geh kiang" capabilities tend to shine while i belong to the quiet group that hides my face behind someone else's back to avoid attention. Just so you know, I might be secretly mocking and judging others, being amused by their silly actions or looking out for eye candies. hah, that's human nature, really. So, i'll try to pack as much activities as i could for the very precious week of my life. Ok, i feel that i sounded like i'm heading to an execution. Dammit! how come i have no friends in engineering??! That will only make orientation worse cos i have nobody to suffer the dreadful process with me. That aside, I hope to meet more retards and kickass friends. thou' im really skeptical about it. sigh... wads with me??!!! shouldn't i be looking forward to that uni crap since i've worked hard for that place? i'm sure it's a pre-school syndrome that's acting up. ignore me.

random photos

2008-07-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

2008-07-04T20:34:00.000+08:00

after months of procrastination, i pushed myself to step into a gym today. feels darn good to work those muscles again. :)))

so u think u're andro?

2008-07-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

HELL NO. OMG! These "andro wannabes" are nuts! seriously. I'm speechless.... M can kick some ass!!!

http://www.twoqueensparty.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=592&Itemid=38

Low profile is good though. You may see some familiar faces there. watch out. don't just die. I resent the comments made by one of the contestants. painful to the eyes. I'm ashamed... This competition is highly misleading. androgyny can be an attitude or a fashion statement not just the physical part. who says andros have to be u know... notice that no man is in the competition. maybe its too uncool. see got double standard. The L scene in Singapore is becoming more visible as the media continues to sparingly expose the public to events like that. Still, there are voices remain unheard. As we downplay traditional gender roles in a marriage or a relationship, opening doors to newer perspectives, more attention is brought into that matter.
As a completely third party objective with absolutely no personal interest in the matter, i'm scared. Are we ready at all to face the "globalisation" of legalising gay marriages? California has done it. yaye to the folks there. i think its best to not try that stunt. Its time to get used to raised eyebrows happy ppl!

ever wondered how dietary fibre looks like or feels like? I have firsthand experience. Awww

intelligence is wealth

2008-07-01T21:00:00.001+08:00

I was instigated or rather consciously used in this case to make the ultimate most difficult phone call ever!!!!!!! Speaking to that someone whom I've hated for the past 10 years couldn't be awkward enough. I'm disgusted to outright lie and make myself sounded so phoney. Of course, the other party knew that someone had to be behind my rehearsed speech. Yes, it was over nothing else but the same issue over again. We spoke no words of kinship, only cold hard material issues. That unfamiliar tone sounded perhaps a little wary of what I was putting across and definitely harsh to my ear. I blamed him for making me who I am and giving me the worst childhood. Maybe thats why I used to believed that I was the most unfortunate child in school. I even maintained friendships with great distrust. Hardly anyone could pry into my personal matters. I remember crying myself to sleep several times. After much propaganda, my feelings hardened by coming up with all kinds of reasons to explain all. Its too late to right the wrongs. Thinking back, those condescending remarks made (about my "character flaw") may be linked. I thank you for the absence. Appreciate how you've taught me to be independent and work my way up by myself. Also, putting social issues or life in general into perspective. Thats precious. When no one is banging on me, I'll be rooting for myself. My principle.

tough night.

here i am blogging at work

2008-06-10T11:43:00.001+08:00

Recent events have made my day super cool! Minor happenings are enough to lift my spirits for a day. Now, I’m more or less settled down in this foreign company for a one-week-temp-job as you can tell…. (Since I’m blogging during office hours). It’s an Austrian firm dealing with formworks located at a secluded part of Singapore. Lunch is very economical cause there is no other place to eat within walking distance other than the canteen opp my building. My Boss, a nice German guy, who is short-tongued btw (just an interesting fact anyhow) brought us to lunch at Raffles Marina. I think it’s a yacht club. The Austrian people in my office are nice. Ok, they are nice because they won’t interfere with what I’m doing. So, I’m cool with that.
The next super cool event is meeting a non-angmoh female colleague who shares something in common with me. Singapore is so small, it’s more like a kampong cause we tend to bump into strangers with common friends. She’s 28 yrs old, carrying a baby. Pregnant women are the prettiest! There’s something amazing about her. She is best friends with someone she has known for 20yrs. I went wow instantly! I admire that very much. I hope to accomplish something like that one day.
This is my third temp job already. Time is one evil thing. It’s a silent thief that stole my youth away. It’s June! That’s six months since I left school. Still, nothing is achieved. Those plans I’ve made initially to enrich myself with yadayada are easier said than done. I need to do a one-time-thing that is so crazy that once is enough!! After sharing a conversation with my manager, I find myself shallow. She told me about her life experience, taught me some values and good eating habits. She bragged about her active and adventurous nature and also some personal conquests. She’s like 48 and I can confidently say she SO HIP! Good thing to know that such aspiration involves a lot of money. Right now, I don’t have the capacity to do all that. So, its 2013 then! See you kester! I hope u are all grown up.
In the corporate world, I’ve met people from all walks of life, with vastly different backgrounds and social status. Somehow, my unpolished soft skills have found its way to rehab. It’s a necessity and a survival skill I’ve learnt.
My heart still lies more towards the OC gang. Although the workload is crazy, the people there are indeed one cool bunch. Specifically the aunties (signing officers), and the poly gang! Hah actually only one of them. I miss the reac club too HAHA. And the toilets OMG! The second hand can’t unwind, no point thinking of ‘what ifs’, think of my blessings to have gone through those good times instead. I may have poignant regrets about those decisions that I’ve made.arghgh I’ve ruined myself with stupidity.
I lack a motivator. Throughout my yrs in school even my time in OC, I’ll find someone to look up to. Be it a role model, teacher, eye candy... whatever…. Now, all is lost. Before AC, I loved MONDAYS. I will yay for Mon and boo for Fri. To some extent, it’s true. I know imma rare breed.
The people I’m working with are extremely nice I would say. Hardly any office politics detected. They are unlike the people in AC who speak with their noses in the air. I understand that they are people with status and impressive resumes. They are extremely difficult to get along with I swear. Maybe it’s me?! It’s silly sometimes... I wonder what education has done to us.
I’m into gossip girls!! Chuck!! I love that guy! He illuminates some sort of charm. As the plot developments, his character as well, his inner self is seen in a new light. His evil self is sexy thou. Life in the Upper East Side is exaggerated in the show. but I would love to trade my life with them, partying their youths away.
Went to the Singapore Flyers for the Ferris wheel ride on Sunday. There was some fun fair going for all smou members cause its “family day”. Totally lame. The ride was ok. 165 meters above ground looking at the CBD, cargo ships and the reclamation of land for IR. Quite a waste of money since there’s still nth to see. It’s free anyway. Maybe in the future it’ll be better cause the F1 race tracks are on their way plus the IR. It’ll be fun then, not now.

lallaallalalal

2008-05-22T22:46:00.000+08:00

phoebe is retarded

2008-05-22T22:02:00.001+08:00

tales of the damned

2008-05-21T09:19:00.004+08:00

Getting a degree is only the beginning. It’s the beginning of success (its quite hard to define this word) and it only means that we have survived the brutal education system. To me, it’s a ticket to freedom and a stepping stone to break free from the reigns that are holding me back too much. Look at the degree holders; they are a commonplace in Singapore. Getting a master will put me in a better position. I can imagine kicking everybody’s ass. I don’t have to slogged for 20 over years and become the boss of those people. I can seat on a chair (with an arm rest) and even have my personal TV console in my office. Anyways, this is how it works in OCBC. I can crush almost everybody using the tip of my finger. All the studying will pay off eventually. At least I can say “I studied harder than all of you!” that’s why I get to shoot emails and scream at your faces. OK, this is really not the point I am trying to deliver. They are conclusions made after some observations.

Being financially independent is one of my ultimate goals and it has to be achieved ASAP. I resent to be reminded time and again that I have no say in the house because I don’t own it …legally. Similarly, I hate the fact that I’m still unable to afford a lot of things so I can’t claim ownage to all of them. Like….my bed? It’s ridiculous I know that. So I’ll probably have to go “what?? That little house I’m staying??? Technically, it’s not mine” See this is what saddens me, we’re too damn calculative. We draw too many boundaries that monetary wise we handling it in a too clear cut manner. I’ll live with it although it’s absolutely absurd and I’m disgusted. I feel so damn lucky that I have a mind of my own and only comply with all those nonsense physically.

I was robbed of my chance to grow up in a healthy environment. No one can show me what a normal home is supposed to be like. I believe I can do better using my instinct plus common sense. 10 years down the road, I may read this entry again and laugh to myself: wow I did have a tormenting childhood/ adolescence hood. I got ripped off by my mother. The penalty that she unreasonably imposed on me is completely unacceptable. She is corrupt and reaps monetary gains from me whenever she feels that my behavior is not up to her “standard”. It’s too dumb to even mention. Can you see the impending doom looming towards me??

I didn’t mean to blog about this. I did it anyway. I did feel better.

absence makes the heart grow fonder

2008-05-15T19:47:00.000+08:00

harlo~~~people!

I'm here to make an important announcement. I got sacked/asked to leave by the company that is. HAHAHA laugh all you want. LOL. what are the odds man!! I guess I'm dispensable and quite redundant. hey, i only worked for 8 freaking slack days and got a fat pay cheque. No hard feelings at all, already saw that coming. Flor, good luck dealing with ... :X I absolutely loathe her phoney accent on the phone and the stories of her ex-es which im the least interested in. eek! yeah ...whatever. I will miss practicing doing the teh tarik stunt for my boss thou' Okay, i hate being boss around. It's tough to swallow my pride in front of people I barely even know. I feel like giving tuition instead! Dealing with kids is so much better than grown-ups...

Lessons learnt.....

Be nice on the phone to people who have a high tendency to COMPLAIN!
Dealing with demanding bosses
Looking busy
Minimise windows with restricted contents quickly.

hmm...vital life skills gained ::)))

Watched three awesome movies lately. what happens in vegas, harold and kumar and ironman.
i like what happens in vegas best.

For those Kapo ppl and friends who are keen, Engineering Science of NUS has accepted me!! I am appealing for admission into NTU business cos they gave me my last choice (bioengine) that i put for the sake of filling the empty space. i hate rejection!!! Anyways, its their loss, not mine!! HAH

Oh yar, the thing that flor does to my hair reminds me of somebody i miss badly. A BIG WAZZUP to you. I know im not very good with words, im better in penning down my thoughts. I regretted so much for not doing that. So.....the email convo made my day ::))))

Introducing my current idol ELLEN DEGENERES
Awesome woman. i wanna be like her when i turn 50!

e=mc2

2008-05-15T14:21:00.000+08:00

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey got hitched!!! OMG (E= Mariah Carey Cannon)

ok fine. and yaye!!! Sarah Tancredi will be casting in Prison Break Season 4 after the producers killed her off in Season 3. wads with that??? maybe its because of the poor ratings

celebrating Fendi Baguette 10th Anniversary

2008-05-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

i saw the promotion at Isetan...tada
the new spring collection! it comes in 10 colours!
i want the yellow one :((((((((

tipping the velvet

2008-04-27T20:21:00.000+08:00

hah!!! just got to know wad "tipping the velvet" means. another masterpiece by sarah waters. i caught the tv series on youtube. hmm..my next book after fingersmith!!!

its fine. we'll keep it that way.

carrie chong!!!!!

2008-04-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

i saw carrie on the repeat telecast of 'daddy's girls' this afternoon
OMG!!!i miss her so much.... can u believe that shes 32 this year!!!! yea.. its unreal... opps i didn't mean to reveal her age.. and she shares the same birthday as iris!! lucky you iris...
i stearted to like her when she hosted the late night show on 987. i love the sweet voice and the funny accent with the Singaporean slang. after i googled her, i like her even more!! whahahaha i used to stay up and listen to her despite having school the next day. i'll hate myself the next morning if i fell asleep before two. *sigh* those were the days man
at the end of the late night show, she'll wrap it up with 'reflections'-- in which she recites a nice poem or an inspirational story or even quotes of impt people.... she left radio last year for a long vacation. rumour has it that she went away to seek for love. wow that huge....and urgent i can tell that shes aging..
i want to meet her!! hmph

corporate zombies

2008-04-23T21:19:00.003+08:00

hmm...i think im one of them. this piece of art was done by darla using all her starbucks receipts for the background. absolutely cool stuff. i didn't ask for her permission cos i dun think there is a need to. erm...ok.. will update tmr regarding this.
oh ya!! i saw a transsexual wearing a thong in the mrt!!! (sry i think i need to clarify this, i mean having a thong on. not literary putting it on) its not that big of a deal anyways... well, didn't manage to snap a pic of it. yea i know, i was being very considerate.......

Perfect strangers (me + myself)

2008-04-12T13:53:00.004+08:00

My last day at work was bittersweet. I came to work at 10am because I couldn’t prepare those prezzies in time. Looking at the end product of wad I have DIY-ed, that made me proud. Its priceless I swear! Last day was fun especially when 4 other interns and 1 perm staff are leaving together. How cool is that? I tendered on the right time and yes it was on purpose. It was meticulously crafted

Allow me to introduce the interns.

C is the irritating guy sitting next to me. I will hate that guy for as long as I can rmb his face. He is too clever, he can read my mind. That’s why I hate smart ppl. Sometimes he made me laugh so hard, other times he makes my blood boil. He’s an @ss. Pls take note.

HS is the girl seated opp me. She’s a sweet girl, pleasant to talk to, and she’s in charge of stationery, how convenient!!! C, another gal seated opp me. She’s nice too I guess.

M! she’s my office neighbour who shifted to some ulu corner. She is just so different from other girls. I’ve always admired that trait of hers. She is being honest to herself, in her own shoes and skin, enjoy, accept and embrace whatever she is. I can’t do that man! Wads worst is I din get her bloody no!! ZOMG that sucks! I feel incomplete, somehow??? I’m totally unsatisfied??!! but I’m confident that I’ll see her again. YES! Juz wait n see!! hmph

Eff the C guy who made me say silly things…

Well, as an AP (I never knew wad that means), all invoices must be accounted for. My officer in charge wasn’t having her best day. She had to clear my “hou yi zhen” (backlog, pending cases, outstandings). I wouldn’t blame her for putting up a long face throughout the day. That’s standard procedures, following protocol.

The fun part comes when I get to shred all the nonsense in the drawer. It felt great!!! I might have looked like a psycho in front of the shredder. I had a sense achievement watching those notes that I neatly copied when I was a greenhorn disappear into dust. Shredders are very useful inventions! They make things disappear without a trace. I hurriedly get things done be it proper or not because after the clock strikes 6.30pm, I’m longer an OCBC stuff, someone else will clean the mess after me. So, I even shred those loose documents that someone conveniently drops onto my in-tray for filing. Wtf? Everyone does it right?? Only idiots will buy that story—that all loose documents are in place.…….Thats wad shredders are for right.

My office has this weird culture. Whenever someone leaves, we get sth from them. (like cheese cake, mango desert, sweets, they are really good stuff. So, I gleefully jumped on the bandwagon. I had plenty of handshakes and received blessings from my fellow colleagues.

Oh no! Clock strikes five. My heart was racing, I was overwhelmed by the anxiety and excitement cos im so close to the finishing line. We were competing as to who leaves first. I worked till 7!!! Zomg! I couldn’t make it in time! That’s so not punctual!! I’m happy to be thru with all the office politics, grievances and unhappiness within that office, all set to move on to bigger things in life that awaits me. I’ll take my time to explore the infinite possibilities that is thrown in my way.

When I walked out of the main entrance, I had sentimental feelings lingering in my head. It wouldn’t go away! I carried a heavy heart home. No sounds from my mp3, just thoughts… There are reasons why I stayed for 4 effing months right? Think about it... Something is holding me back. I’m positive! I felt like crying for a moment. I duno why I so emo.At 8pm I reached bukit batok. Eff! I forgot my timesheet and a gift that meant the world to me.Spent 30 bucks on a to and fro cab ride. Nice!! This one cannot claim de loh!

That’s a wrap for “my last day”. Its been good experience there. I earned myself the title of a “robot”. Thanks lah!!! Wtf?All’s well, its better then celebrating my birthday. But this year i’ll probably go “shitzz, im effing 19!!”

For now, I feel lost. I duno wad to do with myself. Everybody is either working or studying or rotting. I have all the time in the world. Life rocks (to a certain extent).

Speaking of rocks, (this is bad) I’m having a rocky r/s with mum. She feels insecure about me not communicating with her. Dotz!! I She gleefully hopes to keep me by her side …by staying at home. Zomg!!!

So, its gonna be gym sessions all the way. Catching up with Say is top priority! :):):) Before I do that, it is imperative that I get rid of Haq.

2008-04-06T14:01:00.001+08:00

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Mathematics/Statistics

You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Mathematics, Statistics, or related majors (e.g., Accounting, Actuarial Science, Astronomy, Computer Engineering, Computer Information Systems (CIS), Computer Science, Economics, Engineering, Finance, Management Information Systems (MIS), Operations Management, Physics, Risk Management).

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

Mathematics/Statistics

100%

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

88%

Psychology/Sociology

81%

Education/Counseling

75%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

69%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

69%

HR/BusinessManagement

56%

English/Journalism/Comm

56%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

44%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

38%

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

25%

Visual&PerformingArts

25%

Religion/Theology

19%

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

freaking as

2008-03-09T19:57:00.003+08:00

yea.. friday was results day!!! i was extremely tensed and weary on that very morning. until i heard mr kum's voice over the phone, i was relieved. those major concerns i had were failing to meet those expectations and to disappoint those people who believed in me. So, i had the worst case scenario mapped out in my head. everybody does it right. for insurance purposes. anyways those worries i had in my head was uncalled for. again, i wasn't taken aback by my results at all. honestly, i was expecting this anyways. still, i felt a tinge of disappointment for those H1s that i did not manage to clinch an A. thats my prob, but im contented and thankful with wad i have. Comparing with the folks in rjc, straight As is a norm. anything less means crap, shit, rockbottom lousy student. haha

im more or less determined to get into NBS for now. cool! finally i set my mind on sth.

weird-ness? cute-ness?

2008-02-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

wads the word to describe the feeling of being in major discomfort and still feel pleasure at the same time?? thats c00l! i like that. but im slowly immune to all that emotion and racy feeling.
yea i've moved on! im used to that transition period anyways....

office politics... im lovin it!

closet-ed (i am not against...)

2008-02-19T21:51:00.002+08:00

Cool day at work! Met this poly person, here for internship whom i can relate to. Shes nice, honest, speaks her mind, forthcoming, above all, she helped me with filing out of freewill despite my rejection. YEAH!!! heheheee.... Moving on.... had the best time talking about things that mattered. all of which are the things i wanted to do/know. one of the few occurences i can call it serendipidity? i found the courage to "Be Captain Picard, Valmont. Boldly go where no man has gone before". din exactly meant that way it was supposed to, but there are similar connotations. like i say, just for kicks, once...once... im not regretful neither am i ashamed.

anyhows, 2 of my favourite colleagues have resigned. SAD RITE. my officers warned me to not study accounting in uni. i know why, thanks to the temp job. ok, time for introduction. they are, "mr nice guy" (i sort of labelled them) and "the bitch" (we have reconciled thank you!). the turn-over rate is unbelievably high! damn. all's well for me, at least i still have the poly people as talking parthners/buddies. theres this weird issue i have about working life that i still couldn't come to terms with. the faces we see everyday changes periodically that is. i don't like that. i am even emotional about it. its like one moment you're my colleaque, and the next moment your're gone. for now, the sole motivation that keeps me enthusiastic about work is the people. i know i mentioned before that they suck. you know...... like how time heal the wounds, time also allows the forging of bonds between one another. its amazing that relasionship here seems so transitory.
(sounds familiar?)

Whatever that is, im feeling the jitters about the a level results. i even had nightmares of it. great....

this post was supposed to be posted yesterday. but my sis was hogging to the pc so i wrote this down in my journal instead. yes! the above was exactly wad i wrote yesterday. (of course, some things are quite censored). anyways things have changed today.(drastically). maybe i should have changed the title to" dashed hopes" instead. its gone, im gone, = depressed. can't take another hit, i'll fall hard.

till the next entry.......... (i know im weird. don judge me tsk!)

ugly people eek

2008-02-04T22:25:00.000+08:00

its really hard to read people (fellow complicated, difficult to apprehend and intriguing human beings).
at first glance you can't tell much about "us". (notice i'm writing in first person narration) as time passes, we step into our comfort zone and reveal more. when the invisible barrier between one another fades, we let loose, we become less reserved and show "wad we're made of".

today at work, i experienced smth that inspired me on this post. this temp girl got so pissed by the new girl (note that shes a Filipino) because of some minor mistakes that all of us tend to make, that she screamed and alarmed all ...?!

that set me thinking..... y are we so unforgiving to people that are "less competent" (at the moment)? y do we treat them like a lesser person? making a scene was totally unnecessary. after spotting that character flaw, it made me felt uncomfortable and it also urge me to be more wary. she didn't deserve that attention by announcing her mistake to the others. thats life working with bitches, hypocrites, funny aunties, mr nice guy, and mei nus :) for you...

went back school. didn't feel welcomed by some ppl. not the teachers lah. no mdm goh today :(((((((((( (where'd you go.....*drum beats* i miss you so...) just for kicks

unhappy incidents aside, yes i got my pay. no, im not rich cos im still incapable of settling my debts.... this post was supposed to be posted like 2 days ago.... anyways wishing you guys a happy chinese new year in advance.

*sigh* im still far from getting my hands on the sexy sony cybershot :(

2008-01-28T21:19:00.000+08:00

did i mention about this cute girl at my workplace? (actually there are two) yea.... base on my judgment, shes (the one i favour more) about 25, married or not is a big question and that leads to more questions. yes!!! found two eye candies in a row! keeps me occupied. really. so i can look out for her at mirana drinking coffee every morning..... yea im a genius. (best stalker in town huh?)
i hang around longer at the photocopy machine to catch a glimpse of her profile till im satisfied. (kidding!!) i know...thats kind of sick. whatever....its subjective. so, im having a fabulous mood lately.

moving to that biatch at my workplace. we're fine now. she currently appears to be your oh so friendly colleague. no hard feelings bet us. no longer exchange words of hostility. any form of animosity has been eased to normal conversations with no hidden agenda. thats just great! after all, they don suck. they just suck mildly and a tinny winny bit. ty

work has taken its toll

2008-01-18T21:54:00.001+08:00

as of today, ive been working in the finance dept of ocbc centre for a month. and damn its stressful. still, i've got lots to learn, not fun at all. we're dealing with serious money, making payments, sending cheques and all........... when they drown me with all the invoices to process, looking at those heaps of work to do, i just wanna quit. many stacks of filing left undone also, brought forward like 100 over invoices to monday?! seriously i think my colleagues suck! hardly approachable.
some are nice thou'. this girl called jiamin who sits beside me is a pro as in experienced. she solves all my problems! yes. im so lucky to have a problem solver. besides that, she's not like others who just put me off! nice gal. some of the bank officers are nice too! she's leaving soon when her attachment ends. thats depressing!!! major setback for me.
anyways, i have to mention this bitch in my workplace. out of no where come and find fault with me. bastarded me. if u get me. its hard working as a team of "processing staff" when we can't hit it off! damn! again. sry if i made pointless calls to complain!!! can't help it, just needed a listening ear. i can sense the intensity between me and her. that means war may begin anytime. however, if its a bitch fight, i'll lose:( thats my greatest weakness. bitches that is! i wonder why most ppl get all sorts of nice things and ppl from work except me. unfair-ness GET OFF MY BACK BITCH YOU AIN'T THE QUEEN!

tmr is SAT! a day to splurge again! woohoo

lilian

2007-12-30T14:03:00.000+08:00

thought that it would be apt to mention this person here.

i was informed about her mishap
we were tuition buddies
then ended up in the same class in tanglin
we were bus frens
we were late together, we ran together
i admired her guts, her wit and her sportiness
she was my role model in some ways or another
somehow shaped my identity as a girl/woman
although you chose that path that made us drift apart
you were still the same person that i knew
its amazing how i thought of you recently
those were the memories that we share
i still regret that i couldn't get to know you better when i had the chance to do so
god will watch over you
someday we'll meet again
RIP my fren

so cute w00rrx!!!

2007-12-25T20:54:00.000+08:00

christmas celebrations ended with a bang! kickass people. lots of chocolates and goodies man....
anyways, im looking forward to the new year count down party! festive seasons are great!

its an unspoken truth

2007-12-23T19:07:00.000+08:00

tmr is my first day of work ever! it better be good. im really nervous about it.

heard about the news over the phone about the freaking primary school gathering. felt that it was a pity that i couldn't go. hard to imagine after six years and what are the changes? anyways, i have very faint memories about primary school life and the ppl. those memories weren't the good ones either. hu doesn't. still, its nice you know......

so, after work got to meet some of my relatives. i hate attending social functions like that. such social obligation is definitely a chore by putting on a fake smile and also trying to make them think that i -still- like- you. somehow my attitude towards them changed after having gone through so much troubles..... still, the only person that keeps me on the right track, imparting all the values and good character to me is my grandmother. i can tell that she is the only one that bothers anything thing at all. she also helped me pull through that crisis. thats why i pledged to nv let her down in future. honestly, although im still young and everything, i kind of get the idea of wad they are all about. all i can describe them are hypocrites, prejudicial, stuck up, snobbish peacocks........ i couldn't be anything far from wrong. i trust my judgement and most of the time i'm right. despite this fact, they are my motivators. i've always wanted to prove them wrong about certain issues. im halfway there, and i will make it somehow. before passing any dumb remarks, i dun want to portrayed as an ungrateful person because you have probably nv been there. you have done enough to hurt someone that you depend the most. thats not clever you know. kinship are lies. reality hurts, it pains me too.

on a lighter note, im so happy to be finally meeting up with georgina and gang yeah!!! in some point of your life, u may come to an understanding on wad and who really matters at all. then, feelings of nostalgia occupies ur mind. i think i should be doing sth right for myself and do everybody a favour.

its christmas! a season of giving. despite my cashflow problems, i couldn't resist to get some prezzies for my favourite people! i like to give unconditionally, thats the pinnacle one's way of life.

wondering eyes

2007-12-15T21:51:00.000+08:00

went ikea! things there sucks. mostly made of low quality plywood and because of the humid condition in my house, can't buy much. bought some plastic boxes instead.

anyways went for some job interviews. that means i ain't employed YET!!! and that is uncool! its been a week and its getting on my nerves oready. having to face the pair of daunting eyes shooting daggers towards me in the interview rm, im scared man! wads happening to the employers out there? are they cock-eyed. if this carries on, im officially contributing to the unemployment rate in singapore and its a burden to the economy because of the inefficient distribution of scarce resources thus leading to market failure?? shit i dun even know wth this means.

moving on... shopping is no longer fun when im one step closer to bankruptcy each and everyday. nowadays, i made mum tag along so lunch and dinner is on her. YAY! wad a smart ass i am. yeah, wouldn't even think of shopping now. but i've written a list of wants which tends to infinity. 6 mths of pay would be able to cover all i guess. its disaster when there are limited resources and unlimited wants. so, i know wad scarcity means right now.

well speaking of my interviews earlier, its been an interesting journey. gained some EXP on the way. EXP is a maple term by the way. o-my-gosh must be the over dosage of maple! yyeah. went to the recruit express situated at ngee ann. went i entered the unit, saw this very attractive guy. overheard him introducing himself to another candidate so i knew he is the guy i was looking for. then i went forward to him and said err.... jane . he turned back and shouted, IS THERE ANYONE BY THE NAME OF JANE?? one decent looking girl stood up. then i told him, NONONO I MEANT MY NAME IS JANE AND IM LOOKING FOR ALVIN. we shook hands then he said no u mean irvin. i said no ALVIN!! ok, for a moment i realised wads going on so i said, OH I KNOW U R IRVIN! how dumb is that?! during our one on one interview, (u know he is very friendly and he has a sexy voice) being in such close proximity, i couldn't help it but i kept smiling to myself throughout.( i hope he doesn't receive the 'wrong' msg) i must have looked like a retard then. he claims to be a pioneer too (HU KNOWS IF HE IS LYING) haha we have something in common i guess! being so warm, charming and such a sweet-talker( dun ask me how do i know), i MELT can....

heres a thing,............. why are some men allowed to go topless when their boobies are much larger than some women? if a woman happened to be the president of USA, will her husband be called first gentleman? if men knew god was female, will they die for her? why is a woman dressed like a whore deserved to be raped but a guy dressed like a thug not deserved to be shot? Why do men openly whine about their preference for larger you-know-wad and women has to pretend that they do not mind the size of you-know -wad? ( phallic suggestions) these are quotes that i remembered from a book called "IM NOT A FEMINIST.BUT.......'' when i was roaming around the library today. its interesting! i had a good laugh!a book that asks many questions and confirms that inequality between the sexes still remains as a pressing problem. a social stigma that can never be dismantled.

hands off ladies and gentleman. pls wipe all of ur drools! you had ur time! random comment

signing off,
goldilock
thanks guys!

prom

2007-12-05T21:25:00.001+08:00

Daniel ong was looking good that night. I liked his beats and corny jokes, mr koh didn’t… seems like I can relate to him. Haha, kidding! anyways the view from my seat was great! Had a spread of a whole lot of nice sceneries, haha…. as if I was sight-seeing that night. Angle was just right, its just perfect looking at the silhouette of a thing that couldn’t be more perfect through my eyes. Yea!..... OMG wads going?! Moving on….

Most of the PJcians were looking suave and elegant that night. Now, u know the difference bet a secondary Sch prom and a jc prom. We couldn’t make it to the arena for post-prom and bogey all night due to minor hiccups here and there. So, we settled for Kandi bar instead. Had some booze headed back to hotel. Its hard to believe that the long awaited prom is over. looking back at all the money and time that we all invested, it was all worth it. Also, the moments of excitement as we frantically comb town has come to an end. Its over. My only regret is that I didn’t bring a damn camera. Just felt that I failed to capture some of the precious moments withthe ppl that still play a significant role in my life, be it a buddy, a motivator, an eye candy, and someone that I’ve always admired. Today marks the day that we all become independent as we go our separate ways and get on with life. As of now, I feel relieved that final agenda in my mind is gone.………still, I feel burdened to fulfill my role as a graduate….. typically to get a job, learn some crap skills blabalbala….how about backpacking and get to an island where no one knows me?

DAN: how do you differentiate between a female and a male mouse?

Shake the mouse, if u hear “kling kling kong kong”, means its male…………cos it has balls!

And if it’s a female, rmb to put it on a pad.

I’m sorry for repeating such a corny remark.

I have no mood for pictures…. Some other day

phew.

2007-12-03T00:23:00.000+08:00

so..! im finally done with shopping. so relieved that i managed to get all the prom-worthy stuff in time. mum rocks! yeah, no more shopping for me till i earn my first bowl of rice. worse still, im currently heavily indebted T_T...... im frantically hoping to get my hands on quick cash to solve my cashflow problems. because im such a troublemaker, i've landed myself in such 'bad shape' ( its the light issue that keeps bugging me if you must know). yup! u know i hate to write resume. but for job sake, i will do it! sian 1/2.... mum is helping me on that, thank god! anywaysss, if there are any potential employers out there reading this post, pls take pity on my plight and HIRE ME. yes i might sound a little desperate, desperate situations are remedied by desperate measures. easy, air-conditioned, admin-like job would be mostly preferred. thank you! for now, i should quit spending before my creditors start hounding me.

its weird that i've been repetitively dreaming of taking the a levels and doing badly it for the paper in which im not sure which subject it was. real scary. post-exams syndrome? u tell me

haha

2007-11-28T22:52:00.000+08:00

posh spice is funny

hey!

2007-11-28T12:52:00.000+08:00

met a local designer of a bridal shop yesterday. WOW! im totally impressed with her.(im seldom like that) somehow im drawn to designers aka weirdos. they are mysteriously charismatic, class is what it is. they rock! like the hair she is wearing, cool lah!

whee!

2007-11-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

life without exams feels darn good!! muhahaha
but i think im growing spores cos im rotting at home. just feel tired everyday. sleep wake up then go sleep again. mum is complaining already that im doing nth! im just so looking forward to be employed and get my first salary then i'll surely spend every cent of it to the fullest!!! Y.A.

going gym soon. or i'll sag real bad.
need to arrange for some meet-ups soon b4 work starts or.....should i wait after Christmas and rot further?? :)
ssee ya(nothingness rocks)

back to tanglin

2007-11-21T21:16:00.000+08:00

look at this. old photo taken last year on teacher's day. this is my bio classroom! the woman in white is my bio teacher JACOB. shes very cool. cannot forget how hard she pinched me for hiding my books. OMG

im 'free' am i?

2007-11-21T00:22:00.000+08:00

finally end of 'a's!!!! what can i say.... this freaking piece of cert has definitely taken lots of things away frm me, but i've certainly gain some along the way as well. like.... fond memories that can nv be recreated again. but its good to recollect them once in a while. still, im relieved that those nightmares that it has given me is long gone and forever will be. that also means that i've advanced to a new stage of my life. taking charge of my routine activities all on my own. it takes time for me to adapt to this totally new environment though.
wad it means to be free? doing away with our usual timetables? No, not exactly. i still find myself chained, restrained to the following set of rules and regulations that the queen has laid out for me.

memorable day!!!after physics mcq, loads of fun things happened. won't go into the details. in short
fun.warmth.great food.nice house.good company.
great effort!!!!

i realise how impt the 'a's means to me. its the green card to accomplish whateva goals that i yearn for. also, very importantly prove myself to this whole bunch of 'PPL'.
im currently unemployed still. quite interested in being a tuition teacher, so i can interact with little kids. girls preferably! but i wanna make it big u know! doing sth thats beyond myself. because i should be more than that. yayayayayayaya

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KESTER!!! (happy?) sry this entry is supposed to be posted b4 12am

need to catch up with old mates soon! ppl that once and still mean sth to me

hi they are my idols

2007-11-10T01:47:00.000+08:00

been particularly interested with the following hollywood stars, checked on their early life, personal life, education level then marital status guess wad.......

this is reese witherspoon. a full time loving mother of deacon and ava phillipe.
she is american pie, sweet actress. everyone loves her. hollywood lacks role models like her. thru her interviews, i guess wads most attractive about reese is her sweet smile and killer eyes (not legs)
married to oh so gorgeous ryan phillipe. DIVORCED

Next its the beautiful meg ryan. an expert in taking roles in romance films. she always gives me that spooky feeling hmm maybe mysterious would be the correct word. studied journalism in nyu. shes 40+ WOW and i dun get her hair shes wearing. shes certainly not the sweet type, behind the scenes shes serious(not someone to mess with)! married to dennis quiad but denied her affair with russel crowe. DIVORCED

ASHLEY judd, my favourite. like her unique voice. a humanitarian, involved in some charity project. whateva. erm, parents divorced when young, lived in poverty. she is that kind of person that i'll be scared of somehow. those cold eyes are scary to me. majored in french, theatre studies...blablabla married to f1 racer, forgot his name. she is not DIVORCED....yet but who knows?! wow, its like frm a toothpaste commercial

im actually thinking of going on to sandra bullock, but im tired... some other day. i feel like a stalker now. alright alright...im a nosey poker

sickened by hypocrisy

2007-11-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

I've experienced the most ironic thing in life. overwhelmed by a severe degree of helplessness because i can't make a difference to whatever thats thrown in my way. it left me feeling immensely cynical towards the humanity of mankind. whats left of us? looking at all the fundamentals of basic familial structure goes haywire and the switch of roles bet. parent and child, the morals and most cherished values like filial piety that all have undertaken is just frivolous act. watching is fun thou. viewing from a third person perspective, i get a whole new idea of life because theres nth that i haven seen that would shock me any further. so wad the future holds for me?
im just waiting to see how r/s collapse as we turn against one another
a very sad reality.....
foreboding future

6th November

2007-11-07T08:38:00.000+08:00

HIZZZZZZZZZ!! Its been quite awhile since my last post. halfway through exams and i'm dead tired.

special thanks to the LOT ONE AUNTIES and LOT ONE UNCLES for the small celebration after maths paper. also, not forgetting those wished me. Congratz to zoe han for being first in place! Also, kwakwakwa who managed to wish me last before midnight. A good closure for the day.
To all who remembered this day, to all who text me, to all who bothered, thx for showering me with lots of love.

finally its the long break, have to start on econs!!! watch some movie first
to the alot one gang: shall we have dinner like every fortnight after 'a's?

the closure

2007-10-13T23:38:00.000+08:00

my life as a student in pjc has officially ended. basically its intensive studying till 20th of nov.
grad day was somewhat bittersweet. a closure that brought tears into our eyes and grief in our hearts. i see many bid farewell with heavy hearts. quite a rare and interesting sight as i study them.
as for myself....i had to cast those emotions aside. those were the moments where i numb my senses and nerves. the thought of losing my composure was a disaster.

then i felt like a child after receiving gifts and personal messages frm our teachers. there is a kid in everyone, ever-longing for a pat on our shoulders, telling us that we've done well and those honeyed words and praises that our teachers had to brainstorm. many thanks to them.

life in pjc has been hectic, fast-paced. the best memories that i've taken with me are time spent with my teachers and classmates. not so much on our tutorials or a test which i scored full marks for(maybe a little) but the coffee-shop talks or chit chat sessions even the yum cha ones. to be honest, i've nv met such 'concerned' teachers in my life. i owe it to them because my attitude changed frm then on. my days in tanglin was somewhat scary becos i do not like them at all except JACOB. some were bitchy, he bitched behind my back, some doubted me, while that person made my lit lessons traumatising. that anyways thanks for all that fun man.......coming to pj my best decision

she left me feeling very lost. words seems to fail to bring the msg across. seems like there is an invisible barrier bet. us. silent thoughts filled the air. so many question marks in my head. hello? anyway, i've done my part.

lastly, i have to mention this very person that keeps me alive in pjc. besides keeping me occupied during lectures, making me do silly things juz to catch tt glimpse for pleasure and studying hard because you do, it sucks knowing tt this motivation source will disappear.

now its up to myself. feeling scared and helpless at the same time, i have to find a way to pull myself thru. okok, this is how i do it. (i see mdm goh with a crown on her head) go figure this...
MDM GOH I"LL CALL YOU

2007-10-09T16:52:00.000+08:00

Iris: And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!

love this line. from the movie : the holiday

wAZZUP my homies??!!

2007-09-30T20:51:00.000+08:00

I"VE MOVED ON!!!!!! (I THINK)

JASON MRAZ!! this guy is something.......
breathtakingly awawwesomme

100th entry yaeye!!!

2007-09-27T19:23:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG
MDM GOH SHED SOME LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we'll pick up the pieces and move on............

BYE bukit batok, i'll move to somewhere near hwa chong soon

rekindling

2007-09-25T15:42:00.000+08:00

went for ear syringing. the process was cool! the doc shoved a metal syringe which was the size of a bicycle pump into my ears. the moment he started to push the pistol inwards, i could feel the water pressure gushing through the canal of my ears. then my eye balls started to flood, not really but i didn't dare to open eyes cos i din want to witness water squirting out from them. freaky....

yes, finally got my ears fixed!

on my way back, group of malays went on board the same bus. hello?! Allah wun be too happy watching u'all behave like that. damn malays! anyhoos, happy fasting hahahaha
whoa juz had char kway teow, bbq pork and fish fillet la................................ haha kickass

2007-09-22T10:24:00.000+08:00

YEA!!! done with the prelims eveerybardy.....!!!!
the long awaited holidays are here. shall utilise it to the max
the learning journey yesterday was unexpectedly enriching. but the fun element wasn't there, for me at least.
enough said, wun elaborate further because i've got to do an essay on it eventually. i hope the days after the big As will be a life changing one(in a positive way) it will...i believe
i think i should start filling up my to-do-list

jp calderon is gay
oh no oh no oh no!!!!!!

also another announcement to make
prison break season 3 is out in the us
those who wish to take a sneak peak heres the addy
http://www.cucirca.com/2007/05/06/watch-prison-break-online/

easy breezy beautiful cover girl!

2007-09-08T22:51:00.000+08:00

she totally pull it off!

sailing in proximity

2007-09-07T15:27:00.000+08:00

i heard the rhythmic heartbeat
adrenaline was pumping was through my veins
it was such a sudden rush for me
going any length to reach wad i wanted was easy-peasy
even made fervent attempts to surpass boundaries no one would have crossed
heaping dose of innuendos was the worst beginning
in search of the truth behind the facade........
spread falsehoods unintentionally
pretending not to acknowledge the fact was painful
now its standing before me.........
all i see is the ugly truth i didn't want to unravel
ALL LIES MUST END (guilty as i am)

just can't bring myself to call that name
hello?! we're just a phone call away.......
(a social obligation you would have rejected)
you're everything that i'm not, i'm afraid.

opposite for the same reason

2007-08-26T18:27:00.000+08:00

those occurrences weren't mere chances
things have changed from then on
my surroundings smeared a shade of grey
im colourbind
the most flamboyant means nothing at all
darkness overwhelmed me
i see something in that rose beside me
dull, simple but adds colour to my vision
contaminated my only sense of pureness
my faith my hope vanished upon its presence
those thorns pricked my fingers
one after another
grabbing hold wasn't easy
watching those bees from afar
flying menacingly
obscured my vision

this is a crappy post
can u figure this? its a story

ZOMG

2007-08-11T18:55:00.000+08:00

some bitch snitched on me!!!!

oh,
what have i done to deserve such lovely "friends"

like waves seducing the shores-darla

2007-08-10T21:18:00.000+08:00

august! a meaningful month :))

i think i can relate to Sarah Tancredi (prison break female lead) very much. no, i do not aspire to be a physician in a prison also, i do not wish to be the governor's daughter. hmm wait...... but i'd love to be Michael's love interest. pls say HAHAHA
we have sth in common i guess, behavior wise. YES! we connected although its a one-sided wishful thinking. hur
michael: "it was real sarah... you and me... it's real" favourite line

one man's meat is another man's poison
its strange how a 'lustful' geek (notice the irony) could settle on one when he first laid eyes on her. LETS REJOICE!!

your eyes speak a language, i don't understand
this uncertainty stage is good. its intensely alluring. infectious. we'll be burning yo''

love does wonders

2007-08-08T21:16:00.000+08:00

watched an Eric Khoo flim---be with me
a silent movie with very few lines. msg was conveyed thru characters' body language and facial expression. the film revolves around the theme of love.
loving someone without being loved in return is torturous. esp. when ur gay partner turns straight. the agonising storyline made it painful for me.

there's sth very wrong with me, oh my guan yin HELP enlighten me!
it is becoming too absurd that ive lost my senses to think straight.
forgive me if i've been acting peculiar lately.my repressed feelings are making me lose my sanity.

they're going 'w0w' i say 'yea'

2007-08-03T19:09:00.000+08:00

YES!!! finally the weekend has arrived. lm on a busy schedule. i'll make this snappy.

as the days go by silently, i desperately try to seize every moment i had in class n school. time is running out, my days in school are numbered. im gonna miss many things..........
mr koh was right, i reflected upon wad he said about Singaporeans being 'indoctrinated' by MOE that academic excellence is a measure of self-worth. most are largely influenced by this deeply-seated social value. im a victim as well.

past memories are coming back to haunt me!! i resist RESIST RESIST

those teeny weeny ding dangs aren't meant for pleasure. step aside, show some LOVE YO'''

bastardizing

2007-07-28T18:20:00.000+08:00

disgusting men (not literally) and women are like 'like-poles' (physics term)

they REPEL.

To that son of a *toot*, (your mum is really cute and nice, i hate to insult her in this manner but still with respect i didn't spell that out)
i strongly believe and insist that you'd remain a virgin for the rest of your life and never have to experience "crimson joy".(for those who know i mean, heheheh.......) that pussy fate of yours shall be condemned by your father, mother and everyone else in that family tree. you may want to do it on your own with your tennis or badminton racket, which ever you prefer. eewww...sick
"if u see us in the club go on and walk the other way, cos our run will not be over unless till we say." remember to drag your sorry ass out of my sight in future.
kindly stfu or imagine a smelly fist forced into your smelly mouth ripping your lips apart with flesh eating bugs infesting on them.

thank you*grins sarcastically*

arrgh, let us embrace forbidden love effortlessly. thanks amy tan.

damn prom dilemma

2007-07-26T21:56:00.000+08:00

making a decision could be mind-blowing. this shouldn't be an issue for most because the path to take is clear, either a yes or a no. there is a part of me that yearns to go yet something prevalent is stopping me. the folly of making reckless comments and being such a wet blanket was because i wanted to go for the safe option. im as guilty as hell. having to avoid those temptations was cruel for one to endure. i didn't expect myself to respond in such a manner by inciting the crowd in a daunting way. after much considerations with a rational mind, my internal conflict is resolved. let us be the
"disciple of reasons" and make the right choice.
LOLx

mr koh mentioned that "you don't know that u're straight or gay until u reach early twenties..."
GREAT NEWS

to seek redemption.......

2007-07-24T22:53:00.000+08:00

oooooooohhh nooo!!
i find myself addicted to dreamz fm (old local band, an example of talented local singers). CAN"T STOP LOOKING AT JIM (campus superstar judge)!!
i know he is round n all but i'll marry someone with tt kind of voice. im li' crazy right nw arararrrwhohohowhwhwhhhh
ok session ended-

fun issues discussed during gp lesson
here are some questions, what defines your gender? genitals, brain, XY chromosomes????
can mum n mum be a family? with singapore becoming more cosmopolitan, should we be more open to homosexuality?

COOL STUFF

come clean!!

2007-07-19T15:30:00.000+08:00

feeling really guilty right now. many things i could have done to salvage many that I've lost but i did nth. i hate myself for being passive about this matter. looking at her from a distance, i started having conflicts with myself.
part of me says "go JANE! go!GOGO000000000!"
the other says" NO!! take A STEP BACK! RUNnnnnn....."

i think i need someone tt i can trust like a 100% to tell "THE ULTIMATE TRUTH NO LIES NO NOTHING". maybe someone with hearing impairments can help. i confide in no one but myself. gosh i dun even have a pet to speak to. SAY!!!!!!!! u may be the one i can seek salvation.... like partially. you wouldn't imagine wad that is. A balanced psyche i wad i need to achieve.
SAY I NEED YOU. come on you can do me this favor..... right?
having repeated flashback to the past lately??? wads with me??!!! wads with us human??!! we're complicated creatures aren't we?

an episode of friends and everything will be fine.

deepest darkest secrets REVEALED (scandalous!!)

2007-07-17T21:48:00.000+08:00

finally found the mood to blog!!!! by the way i wasn't serious about the heading

currently facing multiple internal battles. battles within myself i mean. did some research again and found sth you guys may be interested in.

Dreams—they’re
something that everyone has, and every
night, whether you remember them or not.
Sometimes they seem to make no sense, but
really have a hidden meaning. Our own
dream world can reveal all of our secrets
and hidden feelings and desires with a little
just a little bit of interpretation.
Dreams have long been a source
of fascination for people. Ancient priests
used to consult oracles to decipher their
dreams, which they believed were messages
sent to them from the gods. Today, our
theories on dreams have changed, as
technology has helped us to uncover some
truths. However, many aspects of our
dreams remain a mystery. http://www.nusd.k12.az.us/schools/nhs/warcry/September2004/thebasement.pdf

cool. i kept dreaming of this person, whom i barely know, weird huh? maybe its because it occupies a large proportion of my thoughts during the day. hahahahaha retard
sch is kind of suckish lately but there is one thing in the world tt keeps me alive, that is ......................................................................(you may be dying to know but i would prefer if u can fill in the blank)
more coffee shop talks in class wheeee

life sucks, take drugs

i sting

2007-07-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

hate to talk about school maybe sth else........

within just these few days, i've matured quite a lot- thinking wise. many incidents that occurred have cautioned me and prepared myself for this challenge im gonna face in future. after experiencing multiple examples of perpetual intimidation, or boring stuff like hypocrisy, i find it tedious using my wit to get it over with unlike the past. emptiness is probably the culprit of this whole issue. this could be a complete fabrication.

my insatiable appetite hasn't changed. its killing me. i have to question my integrity whenever whatever thoughts that are hovering in my mind. its really bad...

forbidden love (reflections journal part two)

2007-06-30T23:06:00.000+08:00

arrrgghhh, i need a get-away. reflections journal part one is gone.

enriching learning journey yesterday with the gang at new bridge road/clark quay. nice time appreciating the long forgotten historical aka artsy-fartsy places of interest. yeah, i have a thing for such things. suddenly, i feel superficial about myself, thats why i need to escape and find a new identity. civilization is destroying us, the humaneness aspect at least. bad things like yadaydaadya are poissoning my brain. i wanna do sth crazy like abandoning all material possessions and stop pursuing what the government wants and what the society deems correct. but its difficult to let go. bag packing Europe seems like a good idea. for the moment, no drastic changes can be made to this cynical life. i finally found a goal yay!! shall we celebrate? i wanna get HIGH, someone get me some booze.

u n i know tt nobody's perfect, when i hear ppl preaching about their values like a saint, couldn't help it but to shut them out. whole loads of crap bags. i saw the expression on her face, oh no ...bad...

anyhoos, went to explore the new bukit timah NTUC, its effing white n neat. but to my disappointment i hated it. loads of memories GONE!!! looks totally different, can never relive those good old days. worse still no more air supply songs. damn sad la.

today is seriously strange. !^#%*!#^!#^* strangest day of my entire life. lots of u may be thinking tt my life strange enough. forbidden love is extremely alluring. painful thou'. having weird dreams lately, ha u wouldn't want to know, its a secret too.

'have a nice life'

now this is rocking my life

2007-06-10T01:06:00.000+08:00

whoo.... i like them!

GUYS, feeling the heat huh?

2007-06-03T19:16:00.000+08:00

nth's been up lately just tedious studying. almost half of the holidays are gone, I’m so dreading it. my days went by through meeting datelines n tight schedules fixed by myself. woah I feel so Monica.... all of a sudden, I picture my o level days, saddening can. but looking ahead I see a bright future. perseverance n motivation is wad I need to push myself. I guess my motivation comes from my shows. the thought of where u stand could be threatened by this, well you're all alone pal.

like wad Natasha Bedingfield says "GOTTA BeeP OUT WAD I REALLY WANNA SHOUT!!" no more emo entries cos I couldn't find the source to do it. nonono, it’s not that I can't find it, it’s just that I can't reach it. I kind of enjoy this pretty much thou'. I need to find that source asap. wad are the chances?

prison break!!

am I yes? am I no? I see a sick desperation in this.

its deja vu all over again

2007-05-26T14:37:00.000+08:00

hi my name is jane. i am an ordinary person leading an ordinary life. having ordinary parents, living in an ordinary house. i eat ordinary meals and have an ordinary amount of cash in my wallet. my childhood was ordinary, the schools i been to are ordinary. currently jobless and struggling to be an ordinary junior college student.

things seem to be happening in a perpetual cycle n u can't get out of it tt somehow things become habitual. I notice that most people are accustomed to all that nonsense tt everything comes naturally like... i already know how to deal with it because i've dealt with tt a million times before.

when the semester break comes, meaning ppl need to hell of a study. the extra lessons will flood our schedule leaving us pain and agony. time to play forgone, time to relax forgone. looking at fellow j1s makes us wanna strangle them so hard to alleviate the envy in our hearts.

well, things may get pretentious all of a sudden for god knows why??!! things also get heated up a little when the outside world becomes too silent n its definitely killing you so you are compelled to say that magic word........*shh* *its a secret* when people get so stressed up, no actions can ever be as genuine as reality TV.

anyways, u may find ppl asking ' hey, so hows your progress? ' a bewilderment of lies left u feeling puzzled: 'damn! tt sounds darn familiar huh?' as usual the late nights and the panicky
mornings tt all boils down to tt very day. one week later, its emotional turmoil all over again.

yes! its mockery, so read deeper

jesus save me

2007-05-22T18:04:00.000+08:00

since im here now, you know that i am still alive and my hands are still intact with my shoulders.
i'll remain as one piece of meat until my mum comes back from work and when its time im considered dead meat. its unbelievable tt a student in a jc with an IQ above the average could do sth so dumb. i spoil sth in the house again!!!! nope...its not the fan...and its also not the the cardboard door, its sth far worse... its the chandelier look alike ceiling light in the hall. when the bitz and pieces of glass went down on me, my first reaction was beep****beep!!!!
(jane, you're sooo clever??!!) damn regretful can...then i asked my tien if i could turn back time....
so, my house looks even more like a haunted house now with shattered glass all over. the mess is cleared already but when i look up, wad i see is only half the light still intact with the ceiling. mum told me on the phone to wait for my punishment at home and the cost is on me. and she said stuff like ....you're getting out of hand blablabalbla.... let me guess....i think im grounded once again.
i hate tt look on her face which im about to see. haizz ok gotta go soon to get myself prepared for the battle tonight. and to my fellow classmates, if u haven seen me online for more than two days, u know wad to do... (call the cops immediately)